Sunday, January 11, 2009

How To Deal With Hurt From Another Staff Member

How to deal with hurt from another staff member

So, do any of these scenarios sound familiar you?
· Your husband has spent the last month coming up with a creative idea for the church. He gives up time away from you, your kids and his own life. He plans everything out, organizes volunteers and gets everything ready to a T. Then your senior pastor stands up and takes credit for everything and never mentions your husband or any of the hard work he put into the event.
· You finally let your guard down and shared your feelings about one of the ministers at your church. Two weeks later you find out that everything you said in confidence was brought up at a staff meeting because your “friend” decided that you don’t have a team mentality.
· You and your husband decide to move half way across the county because the church of your dreams made you an offer you couldn’t refuse. Three months into it your ready to go back home because no one has reached out to you, you never see your husband anymore and the money you thought would solve all of your problems has only made things worse.

Sound familiar? If not, then give it time and one of these will happen to you or someone you know in the ministry. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when”.
Hurt is going to come, whether it is intentional or not. What do we do with this hurt?

I have a few suggestions:
· Bottle it up. Never bring it up again, never let your guard down again and never so much as crack a smile in front of another staff member again.
· Tell yourself, “I’ll just let it go. He/She never really meant to hurt me and I’ll just put a smile on my face, turn up my praise music and sing my blues away!”

· Deal with it.

Let me ask you a few simple questions. Do you breathe? Do you have skin? When you feel sad do your eyes leak a clear substance? Then guess what? YOU’RE HUMAN! And so am I and when we are hurt, it hurts!!! Don’t run from your pain and think that you are going to be ok as long as you never have to deal with it again. If you’re still at the same church this happened at then you will see this person again. Don’t hide behind your fear of being hurt again. Remember that they are human too and they make mistakes. Maybe there is a deeper reason behind what they did to you, or maybe they are just selfish people who really have not grasped the Truth yet. Talk to God about it, talk to your husband about it and talk to a close friend who maybe lives far away (maybe even your mom). Talk about what happened; get it off your chest. Then do something you know you need to do. Forgive them. Truly, forgive them. Make a choice in your heart that even though they hurt you, you will not retaliate.

I had to learn the hard way that just because someone works at a church, has a seminary degree and leads other people to great heights in their walk with God does not mean that they are perfect all of the time. They are not and if you are expecting them to be then you are in for a rude awakening.

Do what you know you need to. Don’t hide your pain. Deal with it and move on to better things. You’ll be a better person for it. He promises!

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